China Study: Case File SZ019 ("To Teach...")

 This blog post is a continuation of my last two posts.

Maoist salute at a Yao-ist temple

From discussing with other foreign English teachers our respective primary students' level of comprehension and ability, I am aware that my students are far below average. Initially, I viewed this to be a challenge. I had no false premonition that I could be a Superman teacher that would push their English language skills to new heights; I did hope that I could at least be a Clark Kent justly encouraging development and helping ever-so-rarely but ever-so-significantly. Within a month of working at my school, I realized I would be closer to a Jimmy Olson: always on the outside reflecting what is happening through a lens of biased perception and sometimes frustrated with my own inabilities in the face of adversity.

Low comprehension and ability is difficult to address with the vast number of students in a class. And, I only see each class once a week--just enough time to keep plugging away with the limited city-wide (maybe nation-wide) text books (each chapter just long enough to fill a 40 minute class).

In lieu of the past posts (including this one), my personal obstacles in my workplace include: my students' language limits, my inexperience, differences in culture, and my own emotions--whether reactive to the environment (i.e. sadness and sympathy for suppressed students) or lingering from my life outside of work.
I have been really tired recently. Wondering whether my exhaustion is from a lack of sleep (though I receive as much as I ever have since I was in high school), I have started to conclude that I am worn from daily stress. I face so many of the challenges that other teachers face, and yet I feel like I am crumbling under the pressure. Is it because of the difficulties inherent to the profession? Is it because of the specific circumstances of working with a deprived community? Is it because of my isolation abroad? Is it because of recent personal stresses?

Each day yields a different answer.

I do know that I love partaking in what is at the core of teaching. I love imparting knowledge as well as helping to lay the foundations for individuals to create connections with others, their environments, and themselves. The children's smiles (especially in moments of epiphany) really do melt away the stresses.

Do all of these ambiguous feelings spell-out my inability to work in the conditions and communities I once endeavored to assist? In other words, am I capable of dedicating my life to working with embattled, disenfranchised, and marginalized individuals? Paolo Friere encouraged the notion that true progress and change can only originate from the individuals and groups in need of said progress or change; am I realizing the limits of how far I will go to integrate myself into a community?

Pedagogy is a powerful process to take-part-in.