Perma-Culture Shock

Eggplant!

This past weekend, I enjoyed a quick jaunt to 西安 (Xi'an). Unbeknownst to me, the Xi'anites (Xi'anians?) have a self-satisfying motto that appropriately summarizes my own first-hand exposure to Chinese history: "If you want to study 100 years of Chinese civilization, go to 深圳 (Shenzhen). If you want to study 1,000 years of civilization, go to 北京 (Beijing). But if you want to study 5,000 years of civilization, go to 西安."

As the motto would indicate, 西安 is a city filled with relics and preserved buildings from various dynasties. 西安 was one of the Four Great Ancient Capitals of China, and China has done a surprisingly outstanding job of preserving and restoring the city's value. (China is infamous for destroying historical districts and old buildings for the sake of development.)

Thai/Tie Pun II: El(i)es and Wats' Wat

After a two month hiatus from blogging, I am returning with recollections--recollections of the two month hiatus from blogging. I do not feel like my vacation was a "whirlwind" or that it "flew by." Actually, eight weeks of vacation feels exactly like eight weeks of vacation when entire weeks are defined by a specific activity, reunions, and locations. This is the fourth and final entry of journal "highlights"--here is the first entry, the second entry, and the third entry (which was the first half of my time in Thailand). These are excerpts from what I wrote while I was in or around Chiang Mai and Cambodia. Hereafter, I promise my blog's contents will shift from personal journal regurgitation.

Eyes of the ele

***

01/28

I slept terribly last night; I woke repeatedly to mosquitoes biting my face. At least they weren't bed bugs.

Our cubby in our train car sleeps four passengers. Coincidentally, I bump into a fellow alum from my childhood summer camp--he sleeps two-cubbies-down.

01/29

"Good morneen," the car manager calls as she walks the aisle. "Brekfest fifteen minoots."

I slide open my lower berth's curtains. The air-con reasserts its unforgettable presence without the poor shield that was the curtain; I've been freezing for the nearly nine hours of Benadryl-clouded sleep. At some point in the night, I wake to put on my flannel; the cotton blanket does not match the pillow in comfort-level. 

While eating my rice soup with chicken, I join our cubby's roommates (a body-odor-plagued French couple) in watching the hills covered in tropical forest--not quite rainforest. We rumble past a pineapple orchard, and I wonder if I'm not stationary while everything crashes past.

Thai/Tie Pun.

After a two month hiatus from blogging, I am returning with recollections--recollections of the two month hiatus from blogging. I do not feel like my vacation was a "whirlwind" or that it "flew by." Actually, eight weeks of vacation feels exactly like eight weeks of vacation when entire weeks are defined by a specific activity, reunions, and locations. This is the second entry of journal "highlights"--here is the first entry and the second entry. These are excerpts from what I wrote while I was in Thailand's south and Bangkok. More soon, friends and family!

Thai style

***
 
01/17
 
I watch the sunset beyond the backside of the wings. Because of visa restrictions and unexpected inquiries at the ticket desk in Hawaii, I'm not even sure that I can enter Thailand without an onward ticket--I just have the plan to walk across the border to Cambodia.

After reading last year's journal entries, I begin a line of questioning about my direction and my context. I come to a conclusion that I do not feel lost, but I am certainly not feeling as engaged in my daily life as I would like to be.

Practice Mahalo

After a two month hiatus from blogging, I am returning with recollections--recollections of the two month hiatus from blogging. I do not feel like my vacation was a "whirlwind" or that it "flew by." Actually, eight weeks of vacation feels exactly like eight weeks of vacation when entire weeks are defined by a specific activity, reunions, and locations. This is the second entry of journal "highlights"--here is the first entry. These are excerpts from what I wrote while I was in Hawaii. More soon, friends and family!

Waving

01/06

I woke up about 24-hours-ago, but not a minute has moved on the clock. As the airport P.A. says, "Mahalo for your cooperation," I indulge a hot cup of $2 Starbucks and an invigorating second chance on the day. I'm excited to be surrounded by diversity and English; adrenaline and caffeine will need to power me through the remaining twelve-to-fourteen hours of the day. I took a two-hour nap on the plane, but I couldn't sleep more (despite hitting international coach jackpot with an empty row).

There are no knock-off "Beats by Dre" headphones.

Women bare skin while reading a newspaper on an outdoor bench in a garden in the middle of the airport.

Golf clubs spill onto the baggage claim belt.

*

The first drive after six months was refreshing: the azure gleam of the ocean, humpback whales spouting, sheer cliff-faces, coves, slow speed limits, and lowered windows.

Fish tacos.

Clouds billow into the West Maui crater as if they were volcano plume billowing out. Palm fronds whisper softly in the breeze.

As my eyelids start to feel heavy at just 2 pm, I check into the condo my family has rented for the week. A cleaner is there, so I leave for a quiet cup of iced coffee.

So many board shorts.

***

Getting Out of China (Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou)

After a two month hiatus from blogging, I am returning with recollections--recollections of the two month hiatus from blogging. I do not feel like my vacation was a "whirlwind" or that it "flew by." Actually, eight weeks of vacation feels exactly like eight weeks of vacation when entire weeks are defined by a specific activity, reunions, and locations. This first entry of journal "highlights" will be brief; these are excerpts from what I wrote between my last day of school (12/22) and my first day in Hawaii (01/06). More soon, friends and family!

Cold Wall

Winter Movement(s)

黄晶晶 (Huang Jingjing): "Elie, you are American. Yes?"
阿里 (Ali, me): "Yes."
黄晶晶: "Maybe next term you can teach an American Literature course."
阿里: "That would be fantastic!"

*2 weeks later*

黄晶晶: "Maybe it is better if one of our teachers teaches the American Literature course and you teach English Literature instead."
阿里: "Define 'better'..."

***

Confertzel: Identity in the Face of Tragedy

Confertzel

This entry could certainly use more research and reflection, but I feel a slight pressure to post it within a few days (or weeks) of Nanjing marking the anniversary of The Nanjing Massacre--also called The Rape of Nanking.

During The Nanjing Massacre (1937), Japanese troops laid waste to the city while committing atrocities like attempted genocide on innocent civilians and raping uncounted numbers of women. China claims that over 300,000 Nanjingers were murdered, while the United States tends to officially estimate the total somewhere between 100,000 and 200,000.

Understandably, the repercussions from these crimes can be felt today. Nanjing marks the memorial every December 13th by sounding a siren for one minute during the day, when much of the city pauses for reflective silence.

This all echoed of how Jewish people memorialize those who died in the Holocaust. Holocaust remembrance days are held throughout the year, and many congregations will dedicate a segment of Yom Kippur to honoring deceased love ones as well as the victims of the Holocaust. Other Jews light a  yahrzeit candle to "remember" and honor those who died in the Holocaust. In Israel, much of the country will acknowledge a two-minute-long siren on Holocaust Remembrance Day with a moment of silence.

What I find most interesting about the Chinese and Jewish memorials are how "national" identities shifted in response to tragedies. (I am referring to a "nation" as a body of people instead of a "nation" with borders.)

"Same Dream China"

In the "Same Dream China" series of posts, I will reflect on recent dreams that I think provide some answer to the questions about "how I'm doing." The title of this series ("Same Dream China") is liberally borrowed from the wonderful Gold Panda track to which I often listen whilst walking and pondering along the streets and trails of China.

*


I find myself back in Donsol, Philippines. Specifically, I am in the middle of the dive that I enjoyed last winter break. It is a drift dive, which means that a heavy current pushes the divers in such a way that they need not swim--and should not resist the current for risk of exhaustion. This particular drift dive is remarkably strong since the Pacific tides are sweeping into a narrow strait between two islands. The current is so strong that divers are required to use hooks and leashes to tether to the ocean floor. I remember surfacing with rope burn on my wrists, where I was tethered to the leash.

Anyways, I am floating rapidly in the current. I do not have a tank, but I can breathe. Wildlife also is pushed helplessly in the current: leopard sharks, octopi, eels, and other schools of small fish. Anemones dance on the reefs. The visibility (water clarity) is astounding. I breathe calmly, but aware of the fact that this is not a natural setting--that I should experience stress and discomfort.


I do not feel panicked about lacking a tank, about lacking a leash, about being helpless to the push of the Pacific's current.

An Introduction (new series)

I was recently clicking through Wikipedia articles (an act of procrastination related to a lack of direction in writing a blog post about how my students revealed their hierarchy of values during a class activity about societal pressure). In my distracted efforts to hone my now rusty pub-trivia-oriented mind, I continued through Wiki pages for at least an hour. I landed upon "Felix Mendelssohn" and was delighted to follow a link to an external page about Mendelssohn's decision to embrace Lutheranism over Judaism.

Despite being born a Jew, Mendelssohn was baptized in accordance with his parents wishes--his parents, however, were not baptized until Mendelssohn was a teenager. These conversions are now widely interpreted to have been indicative of a general shift away from shtetl life in 19th century Germany: In 1812, Germany guaranteed German Jews full civil equality if they converted from Judaism. Theoretically seeing an opportunity for socio-economic advancement, the Mendelssohns became some of the more famous converts from Judaism.

"Falletin Me Be Mice Elf"

Autumn is a difficult time for me to be away from the United States, from family, and from friends.

I often miss how autumn brings a transition of colors, flavors, and smells. Even though 南京 (Nanjing) experiences cooling temperatures more than 深圳 (Shenzhen), the leaves on most trees do not go through red, orange, or bright yellow phases. They immediately become brown with sickly yellow edges. They do, however, retain the gratifying crunch when stepped-on. Menus do not change, though, to favor pumpkins, apples, and spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, or clove. Pumpkins are popular year-round, and cider is completely absent in China. And I truly miss how the thick air of summer thins and reveals that lush smell of decomposition in the autumn. (Most of China has either the smell of pollution or public defecation.)

And the holidays (from October 14th through Jewish High Holidays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and into "holiday season") trigger an automatic craving for contact with friends and family. Regardless of my criticisms of celebrating historical imperialism or commercial materialism, I, like most Americans, feel a twinge of longing for those connections we hold dearest.

While I was out...

I suppose I should have expected that I would not have been able to live-up to my expectations to have posted at least one entry while on my whirlwind three-and-a-half week tour of the United States. Still, I am disappointed in myself for not writing just once. I barely even wrote in my personal journal. And I find that when I procrastinate [or avoid prioritizing] my written reflections, I tend to forget the pithy phrasings and descriptive language to which I sometimes dedicate hours of internal editing.

Alas! I have forgotten some of the whimsical and some of the refined observations on America and my American interactions that all seemed strangely familiar.

Flatirons, CO

"Real"...Generally speaking.

There are several excerpts from Lonely Planet's guide to China that reference "the real China." For instance, there is a quote in the section on Yangshuo that mentions how the mountain-town-cum-tourist-mecca is a far-stretch from "the real China." Being a cynical traveler, I heeded these words and mentally prepared for lots of schmaltzy tourist swag and fake touts; but being a cynical traveler, I also am skeptical of what Lonely Planet means by "the real China." (For more on cynicism, I recommend viewing 06/09/2011's episode of South Park: "Your Getting Old.")

One of my fellow tai ji students named Simon is seriously considering staying in China for a long period of time now that his holiday has been such a personal success. He recently passed his TEFL exam and is job hunting in Yangshuo. He also asked me whether I though that Yangshuo was an example of "the real China."

Real Chinese cow cooling off

Ramble On

Unlike other posts, this one will be generally unedited and mostly a stream of consciousness. I tend to prefer slightly more polish on my dispatches, but I really just want to get a few thoughts out there (maybe for future revision and rewriting) as I prepare to leave Shenzhen.

As irregular as my posts have been in the past few months, they may be even more sporadic in the coming weeks. I will be leaving Shenzhen on Tuesday. Hopefully, I can couchsurf for a few nights in Hong Kong while I wait for my tourist visa to process--otherwise, I will be finding a cheap room in the Chungking Mansion. After 3-4 days of personal processing and visa processing, I will catch a bus to Yangshuo to begin a 3-week stay with a tai chi school. By the end of June, I will be back in Shenzhen to retrieve a few belongings for a move to the north: Nanjing. July 1-6, I will be hanging-out in Nanjing, meeting some supervisors for my new teaching position, and moving-in for the fall. July 6th, I fly back to Hong Kong to catch my July 7th return-to-the-U.S. flight. 7/7-12: NYC. 7/13-15: Florida. 7/15-23: Denver, CO. 7/24-29: MI and Chicago. 7/30-8/4: Denver. 8/5: Back to Shanghai.

Eye on the ball

I am thinking a lot about forward motion.

Pilipin

Everybody! Pose like a Chinese schoolgirl!

This post is a continuation of the last--my recent series of lazy rehashing of my journal.

01/27:

My thoughts (especially those I deem worth writing) have slowed. Is this a sign of relaxation? A shift in mindset due to current state and prospective jobs? Or an indication of having processed my anxieties to a point of acceptance?
*
I pass-out to power ballads blasting on a bus between Clark and Manila. When I wake, it's to a dingy city covered in filth, billboards, box buildings, and few green things. During our brief walk to get bi-bim-bop, our senses are assaulted by honking cars, neon, whispering drug dealers, and self-advertising prostitutes.
*

01/28:

Street vendors and hustlers walk the aisles of our bus as we slowly drift through Manila traffic with the coach door open.

Children wearing only underwear sit on our fast-craft pontoon and beg while the sun beats on their tanned skin.
*
Thin beaches. Coves with bangkas. Perfect sunsets. Drunken admissions and mosquito net riggings. 

Bo-oh-rneo: The Right Stuff

Mes amis! I have returned to technological society from another peaceful foray into off-the-grid living. Much has shifted in my mindset since I wrote my last post, and I have returned from five weeks of vacation (Chinese New Year: 新年快乐) with a relaxed and optimistic mindset.

As per my usual laziness and my routine risk of exploding with thought-peristalsis upon returning from vacations, I will be composing this post and the next (about the Philippines) mostly from excerpts from my [new, leather-bound] journal--thanks Mom and Papa. Prior to quoting myself (i.e. "tooting my own horn"), here is an adjusted itinerary from my original plan:

01/07-09: Kuala Lumpur
01/09-13: Kuching and Batang Lemanak (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/13-16: Bintulu and Similajau National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/16-18: Niah National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/18-20: Miri, Kota Kinabalu (Sarawak and Sabah, Borneo)
01/20- 23: Pulau Mabul (Sabah, Borneo)
01/23-26: Semporna, Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Borneo)
01/26-27: Manila (Philippines)
01/27-01/31: Sabang, Roxas (Philippines)
01/31-02/05: Borocay (Philippines)
02/05-07: Roxas--Capiz (Philippines)
02/07-12: Masbate, Donsol, Legazpi, Manila (Philippines)

I read eight books and saw way too many low-grade movies during that time. Here are some more thoughts.

01/07:

With my head in my hand, I still don't feel the relief of vacation. Something inside me balks as though I would wake-up tomorrow to be back at the start of today--like a Groundhog Day loop of surreal zeal and distanced hesitation.
*
I'm starting this year, this trip, and this journal as an exhausted version of myself. I'm tired of planning this holiday...of the isolation and alienation I experience at school...of planning my "next step" with only one application submitted for next year...of social stress. The vibrations from vehicular motion lure me into slumber

Proper Refractions

H and City God Temple in Shanghai

Having my sister visit was delightful. Before she even left, I started missing her.

Prior to her visit, I was aware that her visit would be a measuring-stick by which I could assess how much I had learned in China and by which I could understand how much I had personally changed in the past five months. This being her first time in China, she was like a babe in the woods--I, the guiding hand with a torch that often flickered yet never totally extinguished.

I knew she would be such a measuring-stick because she is a constant in my life and because she knows the basic elements and incidents that have contributed to my identity: She could offer insight and observations based on her own knowledge (and her representation of) my essential common denominator that is my identity.

Though I was aware that her visit would allow for some personal analysis, I was not ready for how intense my self-reflection would be--"the difference between knowing and feeling" being one of our ongoing conversations. As I watched H face certain endemically China-challenges I have long since taken for granted, I slowly awoke to all the coping and self-protecting mental mechanisms I have established over the past months.

R-E-G-R-E-T, find out what it means to me.

I have been thinking a lot about decision making. The years immediately following undergraduate education have the potential to be a no-man's-land in a battle between embracing youth (and it's potential) and pursuing direction. This transitional space is rife with landmines and barbed wire that are otherwise referred to as "major life decisions." Some dodge the battlefield--blindly realizing that this, in and of itself, is a decision in regards to how to handle one's own life (i.e. procrastination and denial). I know others who look to maneuver around obstacles; and I know others who will do whatever it takes to steadfastly embrace youthful pursuits or to devotedly labor at the "next step."

Bear, motorcycle, high wire, laurel, streamers. This happens

As a friend asks me for my thoughts on applying to the Peace Corps and another asks me for my opinion about teaching in a struggling community, I relay the questions that I have had to ask myself in regards to both of these pursuits that have been passions at some point in my recent past.


As a friend asks me for my thoughts on moving in with his significant other and another friend asks me for my opinion about committing to a year abroad with her significant other, I obviously reflect on my decisions in regards to my former relationship with both those features.

And as I ask my friends for their thoughts on what their next steps will be or for their opinions about what they have learned from their own experiences in whatever they have done  in the past year, I find myself questioning how I make decisions and how I regard decisions I have made in the past year-or-so--which is a rather appropriate act for this resolution-making time of the year.

China Study: Case File SZ019 ("To Teach...")

 This blog post is a continuation of my last two posts.

Maoist salute at a Yao-ist temple

From discussing with other foreign English teachers our respective primary students' level of comprehension and ability, I am aware that my students are far below average. Initially, I viewed this to be a challenge. I had no false premonition that I could be a Superman teacher that would push their English language skills to new heights; I did hope that I could at least be a Clark Kent justly encouraging development and helping ever-so-rarely but ever-so-significantly. Within a month of working at my school, I realized I would be closer to a Jimmy Olson: always on the outside reflecting what is happening through a lens of biased perception and sometimes frustrated with my own inabilities in the face of adversity.

Low comprehension and ability is difficult to address with the vast number of students in a class. And, I only see each class once a week--just enough time to keep plugging away with the limited city-wide (maybe nation-wide) text books (each chapter just long enough to fill a 40 minute class).

In lieu of the past posts (including this one), my personal obstacles in my workplace include: my students' language limits, my inexperience, differences in culture, and my own emotions--whether reactive to the environment (i.e. sadness and sympathy for suppressed students) or lingering from my life outside of work.

China Study: Case File SZ018 ("Students and Discipline")

This post is to be read as a continuation of my last post.
 ***
Each of my twelve different classes has 50 students. I teach only three of the six grades at my school. I am teaching at only one of at least five primary schools (1st-6th grade) in my village of Yantian district. There are several other villages in the district, and there are several districts in the city. The point? There are lots of kids in China.

Of course, this means that funding beneficial education for all those students can be a bit of a headache. One way that China helps this economic quandary is to not make high school mandatory. High schools recruit students, and every prospective high school student needs to pass an absurd amount of tests to have their applications considered. This is high school. Not university.

Ubiquitous Chinese Picture Pose

The sad side of this solution is that the majority of Chinese children are essentially channeled straight into factories. There is not much they can do as one fish swimming in a school headed straight for the net. In many ways, the Chinese economy (and society) depends on this channeling of humanity. A good friend acknowledged how easily the tragedy of one doomed life (inevitably headed to an impoverished life of labor and pain) can be lost in the grand scope of the entire Chinese population.

Especially in regards to humanitarian pursuits (e.g. becoming a teacher), Western thinking precludes loosing sight of of an individual's tragedy. And so I cannot lose sight of how this tragedy reiterates itself hundreds of times in my students.

There are many comparable circumstances around the globe. I spent much time at The University of Michigan learning about and advocating against the prison industrial complex that leeches out many forgotten and derelict youth--a brief plug for a friend and esteemed professor's book.

Some may argue that these youth (American or Chinese) are just lucky to get any education as compared with the millions deprived as much around the world. To me, this justification is cruel, dismissive, and offensively illogical. Apples and oranges.

Shick-shick-Shenma? (Whick-whick-What?)

I love communication. It's one of my passions. So, learning Chinese is an absolute blast for me. Here I am gaining the knowledge of how to communicate with 1/5th of the world. More, probably. With my Spanish abilities (and my barely remembered Hebrew skills?), I may soon be able to have a casual conversation (if not a more intense one) with half (if not more) of the world. I am as happy as a little girl!

Speaking in Chinese is difficult. I am not the first to say as much, but I will elaborate on the difficulties I perceive. N.B. I have observed Chinese people even have issues communicating with one another.

Take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you were.