Thai/Tie Pun.

After a two month hiatus from blogging, I am returning with recollections--recollections of the two month hiatus from blogging. I do not feel like my vacation was a "whirlwind" or that it "flew by." Actually, eight weeks of vacation feels exactly like eight weeks of vacation when entire weeks are defined by a specific activity, reunions, and locations. This is the second entry of journal "highlights"--here is the first entry and the second entry. These are excerpts from what I wrote while I was in Thailand's south and Bangkok. More soon, friends and family!

Thai style

***
 
01/17
 
I watch the sunset beyond the backside of the wings. Because of visa restrictions and unexpected inquiries at the ticket desk in Hawaii, I'm not even sure that I can enter Thailand without an onward ticket--I just have the plan to walk across the border to Cambodia.

After reading last year's journal entries, I begin a line of questioning about my direction and my context. I come to a conclusion that I do not feel lost, but I am certainly not feeling as engaged in my daily life as I would like to be.

Getting Out of China (Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou)

After a two month hiatus from blogging, I am returning with recollections--recollections of the two month hiatus from blogging. I do not feel like my vacation was a "whirlwind" or that it "flew by." Actually, eight weeks of vacation feels exactly like eight weeks of vacation when entire weeks are defined by a specific activity, reunions, and locations. This first entry of journal "highlights" will be brief; these are excerpts from what I wrote between my last day of school (12/22) and my first day in Hawaii (01/06). More soon, friends and family!

Cold Wall

"Falletin Me Be Mice Elf"

Autumn is a difficult time for me to be away from the United States, from family, and from friends.

I often miss how autumn brings a transition of colors, flavors, and smells. Even though 南京 (Nanjing) experiences cooling temperatures more than 深圳 (Shenzhen), the leaves on most trees do not go through red, orange, or bright yellow phases. They immediately become brown with sickly yellow edges. They do, however, retain the gratifying crunch when stepped-on. Menus do not change, though, to favor pumpkins, apples, and spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, or clove. Pumpkins are popular year-round, and cider is completely absent in China. And I truly miss how the thick air of summer thins and reveals that lush smell of decomposition in the autumn. (Most of China has either the smell of pollution or public defecation.)

And the holidays (from October 14th through Jewish High Holidays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and into "holiday season") trigger an automatic craving for contact with friends and family. Regardless of my criticisms of celebrating historical imperialism or commercial materialism, I, like most Americans, feel a twinge of longing for those connections we hold dearest.

While I was out...

I suppose I should have expected that I would not have been able to live-up to my expectations to have posted at least one entry while on my whirlwind three-and-a-half week tour of the United States. Still, I am disappointed in myself for not writing just once. I barely even wrote in my personal journal. And I find that when I procrastinate [or avoid prioritizing] my written reflections, I tend to forget the pithy phrasings and descriptive language to which I sometimes dedicate hours of internal editing.

Alas! I have forgotten some of the whimsical and some of the refined observations on America and my American interactions that all seemed strangely familiar.

Flatirons, CO

R-E-G-R-E-T, find out what it means to me.

I have been thinking a lot about decision making. The years immediately following undergraduate education have the potential to be a no-man's-land in a battle between embracing youth (and it's potential) and pursuing direction. This transitional space is rife with landmines and barbed wire that are otherwise referred to as "major life decisions." Some dodge the battlefield--blindly realizing that this, in and of itself, is a decision in regards to how to handle one's own life (i.e. procrastination and denial). I know others who look to maneuver around obstacles; and I know others who will do whatever it takes to steadfastly embrace youthful pursuits or to devotedly labor at the "next step."

Bear, motorcycle, high wire, laurel, streamers. This happens

As a friend asks me for my thoughts on applying to the Peace Corps and another asks me for my opinion about teaching in a struggling community, I relay the questions that I have had to ask myself in regards to both of these pursuits that have been passions at some point in my recent past.


As a friend asks me for my thoughts on moving in with his significant other and another friend asks me for my opinion about committing to a year abroad with her significant other, I obviously reflect on my decisions in regards to my former relationship with both those features.

And as I ask my friends for their thoughts on what their next steps will be or for their opinions about what they have learned from their own experiences in whatever they have done  in the past year, I find myself questioning how I make decisions and how I regard decisions I have made in the past year-or-so--which is a rather appropriate act for this resolution-making time of the year.

Accidental Personal Statement?

Much of the romance about exploration and connection relies on stripping away layers (like those of an Onion, mayhaps) to reveal mysteries beyond. What happens once those mysteries lose their undisclosed quality through revealing? What happens to the layers that have been stripped?

For a few years running, I have prided myself on adamantly believing in the power of human connection: connection with others, connection with environment, and connection with the self. Part of my ethos and part of my passions are to connect as much as possible; thus, I explore  and adventure with intent of learning more about others and their places--geographically and with regards to their sense of identity.

Environment onions:
As we delve deeper into new locales and societies, any past layers are not discarded as much as integrated into our knowledge and experience. What is the specialty of Sichuan province (i.e. food)? One of them is Sichuan greenbeans. With this revelation, I lose the mystery of the question but gain the knowledge of what to order in Chengdu. This is a minor example. This concept, though, is acted out on greater scales with regards to learning about hidden alleys with wonderful street vendors that become integrated into routine after being frequented. Once we start peeling away the layers of our environment and how it functions, we continue to add to a cumulative knowledge. There is no loss but the loss of mystery. I would venture so far as to say truly connecting with one's environment is a spiritual fulfillment. One creates a bond to something that is constantly shifting within certain solid structural (or natural) confines; in the past, I have found that this sort of connection with location is conducive to self-affirmation--in chicken-egg fashion, perhaps the latter facilitates the former. Regardless, peeling away an environmental onion reveals an essence of location, of time, and even of self onions.

Setting Sail From Portland

Well, amigos,

I am moving once again. Portland has been a beautiful city with wonderfully accommodating people who are eager to befriend newcomers. Alas, Portland cannot sustain me at the moment: No one in PDX wants to hire me. I have loved my time with my friends here, and I have loved exploring PDX's nooks and crannies; I yearn for moments with other good friends in other locations before I embark on another international adventure--one that may be longer term.

I am still waiting to hear from Princeton in Asia for a teaching fellowship in any one of many Southeastern Asian countries. Also, I attended a wonderfully collaborative group interview in NYC last week for a fellowship with an NGO sponsored by the American Jewish World Service (in India). This morning, I interviewed with a teaching program sponsored by the Chinese government. So, we will see. All these posts would start in the fall.

Until then, I am returning to Ann Arbor to reconnect with my friends and family there. I have love there, and I am embracing it, her, them. I am also helping International Medical Relief standardize their community health education courses.

I will think of my time in PDX fondly. I have come to realizations about some of the stark realities ahead of me because of my experiences during the past three months living in PDX. Life after college is difficult, especially in a struggling economy. Competition for positions I desire is fierce, even though those positions are about collaboration, cooperation, and constructive interaction. And while I am aggravated while watching my bank account dwindle down, I have found ways to stave off hitting zero. And while I bemoan this stress of dwindling funds, my time in Haiti and working with disadvantaged youth at the NELA center has once again shed light on what I should really worry about and stress over and value and consider.


Sure, I had a few moments when I walked past Stumptown or Voodoo Donuts or Pioneer Place and felt resentment for a city that seemed to be rejecting me. But I will remember PDX as a unique experience and experiment in my life. I will miss:

-Stumptown and Voodoo Donuts
-Generally good food everywhere
-Food cart culture
-The constant presence of good cookies in my house
-The daffodils growing out of mossy stones that border the steps to my house
-Meagan's additions to our house (e.g. Tibetan prayer flags)
-The incense of burning hookah in the living room
-The various gifts Meagan received from suitors that went onto our coffee table
-Sheet music wallpaper
-Music everywhere and all the time
-Blackboard walls in our dining room--with neurological maps and David Byrne quotes
-The wind chimes from a neighbor
-Rain lulling me to sleep
-Antony smiling, laughing, and practicing his crafts
-Meagan spinning poi
-Travis eating his toast and milk with me every morning ("Good day sir")
-Walking past Chipotle on the way to and from The Max--free scents
-Free light rails
-Pub Trivia with We Heart Brains
-The ESL students and their odd assignments at the NELA center
-Bikes
-Thoughts of Yo!Mocchi
-Everything being green all the time

Farewell, PDX and friends.