Accidental Personal Statement?

Much of the romance about exploration and connection relies on stripping away layers (like those of an Onion, mayhaps) to reveal mysteries beyond. What happens once those mysteries lose their undisclosed quality through revealing? What happens to the layers that have been stripped?

For a few years running, I have prided myself on adamantly believing in the power of human connection: connection with others, connection with environment, and connection with the self. Part of my ethos and part of my passions are to connect as much as possible; thus, I explore  and adventure with intent of learning more about others and their places--geographically and with regards to their sense of identity.

Environment onions:
As we delve deeper into new locales and societies, any past layers are not discarded as much as integrated into our knowledge and experience. What is the specialty of Sichuan province (i.e. food)? One of them is Sichuan greenbeans. With this revelation, I lose the mystery of the question but gain the knowledge of what to order in Chengdu. This is a minor example. This concept, though, is acted out on greater scales with regards to learning about hidden alleys with wonderful street vendors that become integrated into routine after being frequented. Once we start peeling away the layers of our environment and how it functions, we continue to add to a cumulative knowledge. There is no loss but the loss of mystery. I would venture so far as to say truly connecting with one's environment is a spiritual fulfillment. One creates a bond to something that is constantly shifting within certain solid structural (or natural) confines; in the past, I have found that this sort of connection with location is conducive to self-affirmation--in chicken-egg fashion, perhaps the latter facilitates the former. Regardless, peeling away an environmental onion reveals an essence of location, of time, and even of self onions.


People onions:
Many have written and continue to write dissertations and books on what it means to peel away the layers of another person. We progress through the mystery of stranger to the curiosities of acquaintance to the familiarity of friendship to the intimacy of relationship to the bond of family. It would be presumptuous to discuss the details of people onions beyond my own experience. Nor is this necessarily the medium for such a long discussion--though, in some respects, this venue can be considered (as a body) an examination of people onions. Based on my experiences of inter-personal explorations, I would say there is no uniformity to how people treat the layers that they peel away from one another. There is hardly any describable patterns. There are some people (those who value demonstrating love and loyalty) who treat the layers of people onions much like those of environment onions: these loving and loyal people continually contribute to their knowledge to create a compendium of interpersonal care and compassion, never taking for granted what has been established or what is left to reveal. These people seem to find self-affirmation in discovering and then connecting with others. I have also met people who discard the past layers, occasionally in a reckless manner--generally speaking, I would say, friends do not do this to one another. Then there are those who preserve the sanctity of mystery and layers; they refuse to allow their own layers to be revealed or to peel away too many layers of others. It seems to me that they prefer to protect themselves from the vulnerabilities of exposure and lost mysteries. These are just a few onion profiles and, by no means, a comprehensive list; nor are these onion profiles mutually exclusive. In my recent experience, I feel myself identifying as a loving, loyal, and protective onion--how protective am I, actually, if I am writing something this earnest.

Self onions:
I value inner exploration as much as external. I strive to understand myself more and more. Sometimes, this comes at the expense of confidence, comfort, and a sense of closure. I hear some friends say that they only want to go so deep into themselves because they do not want to get lost in their own heads. Since I believe that going deeper reveals more about our functioning and our responses to the world around us, I get the sense that abstaining from these explorations is a denial of self and a preclusion of self-affirmation. This cautious self-denial may even be a reflection on one's view of themselves. I only raise the whole "onion" and "exploration" idea because I have recently been peeling away the layers of myself to understand what is happening in this helter-skelter time of my life. Why do I fall asleep lonely and wake-up angry and prideful? Why do I feel like a phoney when I am punishing my students for disrespectful behavior but wash myself clean of that self-doubt when I jump-out from behind a corner to scare a kid into soiling himself?* Why do I feel like I understand my emotions but I cannot control when they will arbitrarily strike? Why do I feel like I am being reasonable in how I process while others think I am overly emotional or being too in-touch? Why do I know how to view where I am personally, but I cannot feel that way?

As I enter my mid-20's, I have to continue being true to my heart. So I am. And at times I am hurt for it. And at others I am made to look the fool for doing so. But, I will not relent. I need to know more about why these passions are so strongly founded in my core. So, I will not relent from peeling away the layers of myself. Undoubtedly, I will discover aspects of myself or memories of experiences that will pose the question: Do you want this to be a part of the cumulative knowledge of yourself, or do you want to discard this and move-on? 

In this moment of foreign exploration, I have a sense that I am a dichotomy. While I peel away the layers of Yantian, Shenzhen, China, the world (THE WORLD, I TELL YA!), and the people with whom I hope to connect, I cannot postpone or procrastinate peeling away my own layers.**

*No kid actually soiled himself.
**This was not originally meant to be an explanation of this blog, though I suppose it turned out that way.

Books, Music, T.V.: I finally finished Oracle Bones and would definitely recommend it to anyone in China or coming to The Middle Kingdom. Up next is a used book I received as part of a gift package: Myths to Live By by Joseph Campbell. I've been catching up on 30 Rock, season 3 of Mad Men, and I am distracting myself with Glee--I'm waiting to see a college buddy named Darren Criss show up at some point this season (We shared a brief bromance while I waited tables and he performed at Sava's). "I Look to You" by Miami Horror, "Cacada" by Bebel Gilberto, RJD2, "The Re-Arranger" by Mates of State, "New Pony" by The Dead Weather, and this (face at 1:38!).