"Same Dream China"

In the "Same Dream China" series of posts, I will reflect on recent dreams that I think provide some answer to the questions about "how I'm doing." The title of this series ("Same Dream China") is liberally borrowed from the wonderful Gold Panda track to which I often listen whilst walking and pondering along the streets and trails of China.

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I find myself back in Donsol, Philippines. Specifically, I am in the middle of the dive that I enjoyed last winter break. It is a drift dive, which means that a heavy current pushes the divers in such a way that they need not swim--and should not resist the current for risk of exhaustion. This particular drift dive is remarkably strong since the Pacific tides are sweeping into a narrow strait between two islands. The current is so strong that divers are required to use hooks and leashes to tether to the ocean floor. I remember surfacing with rope burn on my wrists, where I was tethered to the leash.

Anyways, I am floating rapidly in the current. I do not have a tank, but I can breathe. Wildlife also is pushed helplessly in the current: leopard sharks, octopi, eels, and other schools of small fish. Anemones dance on the reefs. The visibility (water clarity) is astounding. I breathe calmly, but aware of the fact that this is not a natural setting--that I should experience stress and discomfort.


I do not feel panicked about lacking a tank, about lacking a leash, about being helpless to the push of the Pacific's current.

Bo-oh-rneo: The Right Stuff

Mes amis! I have returned to technological society from another peaceful foray into off-the-grid living. Much has shifted in my mindset since I wrote my last post, and I have returned from five weeks of vacation (Chinese New Year: 新年快乐) with a relaxed and optimistic mindset.

As per my usual laziness and my routine risk of exploding with thought-peristalsis upon returning from vacations, I will be composing this post and the next (about the Philippines) mostly from excerpts from my [new, leather-bound] journal--thanks Mom and Papa. Prior to quoting myself (i.e. "tooting my own horn"), here is an adjusted itinerary from my original plan:

01/07-09: Kuala Lumpur
01/09-13: Kuching and Batang Lemanak (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/13-16: Bintulu and Similajau National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/16-18: Niah National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/18-20: Miri, Kota Kinabalu (Sarawak and Sabah, Borneo)
01/20- 23: Pulau Mabul (Sabah, Borneo)
01/23-26: Semporna, Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Borneo)
01/26-27: Manila (Philippines)
01/27-01/31: Sabang, Roxas (Philippines)
01/31-02/05: Borocay (Philippines)
02/05-07: Roxas--Capiz (Philippines)
02/07-12: Masbate, Donsol, Legazpi, Manila (Philippines)

I read eight books and saw way too many low-grade movies during that time. Here are some more thoughts.

01/07:

With my head in my hand, I still don't feel the relief of vacation. Something inside me balks as though I would wake-up tomorrow to be back at the start of today--like a Groundhog Day loop of surreal zeal and distanced hesitation.
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I'm starting this year, this trip, and this journal as an exhausted version of myself. I'm tired of planning this holiday...of the isolation and alienation I experience at school...of planning my "next step" with only one application submitted for next year...of social stress. The vibrations from vehicular motion lure me into slumber

Singa[pore]: Simple Song

MacRitchie Reserve

Tuesday, 21/09:

"All day, I grouchily lament having to battle time and the elements as two oncoming events:

1) A typhoon
2) My three day vacation to Singapore.

I desperately pedal through unrelenting rain to get to the bank to withdraw money to exchange for Hong Kong dollars (gangbi). Then, I endure soggy socks and drenched pants to top-up the pay-as-you-go minutes on my phone 'just in case of emergency in Singapore.'

The whole time, I am trying to forget my fifth grade class that knew less than my third graders. And, the whole time I am trying to forget my fourth grade class that tried my patience nearly to its breaking point. The whole time, I wonder if my efforts are in vain as I am not even sure that I will make it to the Hong Kong airport in time to catch my Tiger Airlines flight that may be cancelled due to weather...And so, the whole time I wonder whether I even want to continue this battle with time and the elements.

I decide 'yes,' though my gut tells me I could have just as easily decided otherwise. I need this independent adventure; I need to feel the replenishing spirit of exploration and discovery.

Mid-Autumn Moon Festival Means Vacation!

I start to feel it as I walk to my bus stop--all the while, receiving stares for my hunchbacked poncho covering a backpack stuffed with a weekend's worth of miscellany. I am walking to catch a bus to get to the border crossing so I can walk across the border to catch a bus to catch a subway to catch a train to the airport, where I can catch a flight to Singapore--where I will catch a bus to catch a subway to my hostel. I realize it will take a small miracle to ensure all goes swimmingly despite the torrential downpour and forecasted typhoon.