Bo-oh-rneo: The Right Stuff

Mes amis! I have returned to technological society from another peaceful foray into off-the-grid living. Much has shifted in my mindset since I wrote my last post, and I have returned from five weeks of vacation (Chinese New Year: 新年快乐) with a relaxed and optimistic mindset.

As per my usual laziness and my routine risk of exploding with thought-peristalsis upon returning from vacations, I will be composing this post and the next (about the Philippines) mostly from excerpts from my [new, leather-bound] journal--thanks Mom and Papa. Prior to quoting myself (i.e. "tooting my own horn"), here is an adjusted itinerary from my original plan:

01/07-09: Kuala Lumpur
01/09-13: Kuching and Batang Lemanak (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/13-16: Bintulu and Similajau National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/16-18: Niah National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/18-20: Miri, Kota Kinabalu (Sarawak and Sabah, Borneo)
01/20- 23: Pulau Mabul (Sabah, Borneo)
01/23-26: Semporna, Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Borneo)
01/26-27: Manila (Philippines)
01/27-01/31: Sabang, Roxas (Philippines)
01/31-02/05: Borocay (Philippines)
02/05-07: Roxas--Capiz (Philippines)
02/07-12: Masbate, Donsol, Legazpi, Manila (Philippines)

I read eight books and saw way too many low-grade movies during that time. Here are some more thoughts.

01/07:

With my head in my hand, I still don't feel the relief of vacation. Something inside me balks as though I would wake-up tomorrow to be back at the start of today--like a Groundhog Day loop of surreal zeal and distanced hesitation.
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I'm starting this year, this trip, and this journal as an exhausted version of myself. I'm tired of planning this holiday...of the isolation and alienation I experience at school...of planning my "next step" with only one application submitted for next year...of social stress. The vibrations from vehicular motion lure me into slumber

Proper Refractions

H and City God Temple in Shanghai

Having my sister visit was delightful. Before she even left, I started missing her.

Prior to her visit, I was aware that her visit would be a measuring-stick by which I could assess how much I had learned in China and by which I could understand how much I had personally changed in the past five months. This being her first time in China, she was like a babe in the woods--I, the guiding hand with a torch that often flickered yet never totally extinguished.

I knew she would be such a measuring-stick because she is a constant in my life and because she knows the basic elements and incidents that have contributed to my identity: She could offer insight and observations based on her own knowledge (and her representation of) my essential common denominator that is my identity.

Though I was aware that her visit would allow for some personal analysis, I was not ready for how intense my self-reflection would be--"the difference between knowing and feeling" being one of our ongoing conversations. As I watched H face certain endemically China-challenges I have long since taken for granted, I slowly awoke to all the coping and self-protecting mental mechanisms I have established over the past months.

Cut and Pastiche

I am definitely not posting with the frequency that I would prefer. I wonder if my lack of writing contributes to a sense of feeling overwhelmed with thoughts that I want to communicate; I also wonder if the converse is not true in that the vast number of topics I want to discuss and stories I want to relay make it impossible to focus my writing.

No More Apologies

I have come to realize that I cannot post nearly as often as I would like--nor can I post with the creativity I would prefer. This will be my last apology for being M.I.A.: I am sorry. (Speaking of which, you should check out the new M.I.A. video for "Born Free" knowing that it will be quite violent.) This post should serve as a brief update on my life.

I have spent much of the past month studying so that I can now operate up-to-par with Zingerman's Roadhouse standards. Grueling and challenging at times, the process has ultimately been rewarding. I am all the more knowledgeable about food (production to plate) and enlightened by the organization's philosophy about people, community, and service. I am still loving my job, and I am looking forward to the coming months that are the Roadhouse's busy season--the other night a drunken and proud father of a recent grad insisted on telling me quite the animated joke and then confessing he would stop drinking Johnny Walker Black.

I recently soaked in a few rays while repotting C's and my cucumbers, pimento peppers, and zebra tomatoes.

Recently, I have been observing C and others go through the graduation process and have thus been brought face-to-face with one of those moments when events facilitate reflection on time passed. A flash to me last year would yield an image of a zealous and confident young man ready to start a summer job in service at a popular local business, planting a garden, enjoying the company of friends in an Ann Arbor summer, and secure in a future with the Peace Corps. If I have learned anything in the past year (which has been difficult, to put it mildly), I have learned to be humble about what I do have and to recognize how fleeting what I have can be. I appreciate my position in life, right now, and I do all I can to live contemporaneously with joy in that appreciation.

Still, the fact that I have come full-circle (in a way, when considering the similarities between my basic life description then and my basic life description now) has brought me to some questions that I have not yet been able to put into words for others. My language seems to fail to capture these reflective and thought-provoking circumspections.

Soon, I will begin learning some basic Mandarin. I have made it a goal to begin calligraphy as a hobby come August.

Otherwise, some recent intakes...
Movies I Have Seen Recently and Recommend: "Revolver"
Book Recently Finished: "No One Writes to the Colonel" by Marquez
Book Recently Began: "Steppenwolf" by Hesse
Music on my Mind: The xx, Groove Spoon, RJD2's "The Colossus," Caribou's "Swim," The Twelves remixes, The Glitch Mob