Bo-oh-rneo: The Right Stuff

Mes amis! I have returned to technological society from another peaceful foray into off-the-grid living. Much has shifted in my mindset since I wrote my last post, and I have returned from five weeks of vacation (Chinese New Year: 新年快乐) with a relaxed and optimistic mindset.

As per my usual laziness and my routine risk of exploding with thought-peristalsis upon returning from vacations, I will be composing this post and the next (about the Philippines) mostly from excerpts from my [new, leather-bound] journal--thanks Mom and Papa. Prior to quoting myself (i.e. "tooting my own horn"), here is an adjusted itinerary from my original plan:

01/07-09: Kuala Lumpur
01/09-13: Kuching and Batang Lemanak (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/13-16: Bintulu and Similajau National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/16-18: Niah National Park (Sarawak, Borneo)
01/18-20: Miri, Kota Kinabalu (Sarawak and Sabah, Borneo)
01/20- 23: Pulau Mabul (Sabah, Borneo)
01/23-26: Semporna, Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Borneo)
01/26-27: Manila (Philippines)
01/27-01/31: Sabang, Roxas (Philippines)
01/31-02/05: Borocay (Philippines)
02/05-07: Roxas--Capiz (Philippines)
02/07-12: Masbate, Donsol, Legazpi, Manila (Philippines)

I read eight books and saw way too many low-grade movies during that time. Here are some more thoughts.

01/07:

With my head in my hand, I still don't feel the relief of vacation. Something inside me balks as though I would wake-up tomorrow to be back at the start of today--like a Groundhog Day loop of surreal zeal and distanced hesitation.
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I'm starting this year, this trip, and this journal as an exhausted version of myself. I'm tired of planning this holiday...of the isolation and alienation I experience at school...of planning my "next step" with only one application submitted for next year...of social stress. The vibrations from vehicular motion lure me into slumber

FINALLY!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to say that after 257 applications (I have a list) of one sort or another since this time last year that I have found employment!!!

Here.

"Really good American food." That's right.

Not only do I feel total relief that someone out there thinks I am capable of working for them, I am inundated with feelings of validation that it is a renowned employer and organization. Zingerman's has a reputation for excellence in product, service, and management. They value every aspect of their organization, and I am proud and privileged to be a part of that.

I look forward to good food, engaging conversations on good food, encouraging environments to foster good food [service], new friends formed around good food, etc.

Basically, I need to start studying so I can fit in with a group of people who have an encyclopedic knowledge of food. I am excited. Fin.

Hip-hip (for now)

Though I have had certain struggles and bad luck this past year and though I continue to encounter difficulty with employment (more on this later), I had the fortunate circumstance of being able to choose between two fantastic programs/opportunities for the coming year:

1) American Jewish World Service--World Partners Fellowship
2) A teaching program in Shenzhen, China

After spending much anxiety-prone time considering these two options and weighing the benefits and risks/costs, I have come to decide on my future. Regardless of the decision, I have felt such a release knowing that I have been selected for anything--and to top it off, two things which I would love to do. A certain validating relief pulses through me. This feeling is so foreign, of late, that I am not entirely convinced that I will be going abroad on an awesome program. Sort of surreal.

Anyways, I have decided to go teach in China! I am enthusiastic about this decision and eager for an August when I will be learning Mandarin at Peking University and exploring the stones of the Great Wall. Cue jealousy.

The reasons for the decision mostly reduce to the following: The China program offers more support than AJWS. If you are not interested in reading the details from the aforementioned links, I will summarize some important factors (so you can see where my thought process is these days).

AJWS
-Opportunity for individual exploration in rural India
-Much more roughing it
-Connection to Jewish community
-Based on the grueling interview process and the caliber of the other candidates, this program was guaranteed to be rewarding
-Little contact with the outside world, little technological access
-High time commitment with little opportunity to travel, explore, be alone
-Indulge my social justice passions

China
-Be with C
-Paid, insurance included
-Advanced Mandarin education and TEFL Certificate included
-Flight reimbursement, travel bonus at completion of contract
-On-the-ground advisors
-100 fellow program participants in the same BIG city
-Access to Hong Kong and ample time to take advantage of travel, exploration
-Opportunity for individual and group exploration in East and Southeast Asia
-High connectivity to outside world, high technological access
-Moderate time commitment with lots of opportunity to travel, explore, be alone
-Indulge my passion for pedagogy

So yeah! I am enthusiastic to get from here to Shenzhen in September as quickly as possible. To contribute to this, I am continuing my streak of unemployment (sort of, since I freelance write). I trial-shifted at Zingerman's Roadhouse the other day, and I think it went well--fingers are crossed! Otherwise, I am dependent upon volunteering for paid studies. Soon, I may resort to being a figure model.

Life is good, though I retain a "cautious optimism" (as The A.V. Club says in their Newswire sign-offs) simply because I know how easily the rug can be yanked-out from under me.

Recent Tune(s): Beach House's "Teen Dream," Laura Veirs's "July Flame," Starf*cker (I loathe that name)
Recent Film(s): On a western kick...More in future posts. "The Wild Bunch" and "Appaloosa"
Recent Lit(s): "Amsterdam" by McEwan, Online Travel Mag
Recent Wish-List Addition(s): HBO to watch "Treme," to see "Iron Man 2," a job
Online Vid Sign-off:

My Sincerest Apologies

My friends and readers,

I owe you an apology for being so aloof recently. To call my writing sporadic would be generous. While there is no excuse for me shirking my social responsibilities (i.e. retaining domain name and space, keeping in touch with friends and family, etc.), please forgive me in lieu of many stresses and distractions.

Since returning to Denver (see entries on Tumblr), I experienced an undue and illogical pressure to "get my life in order." I have placed the phrase in quotations because that's a phrase I repeated to myself. I was not entirely sure of what "getting my life in order" meant.

I am still not entirely sure of the meaning behind that line. I think there is some sort of implication about financial security, occupational direction, intellectual inclinations, and so on. Many peers probably know what sentiment I'm referencing.

In any case, I felt a certain stagnant solitude having to return to a place I had already spent 18 years (albeit, pleasant and warm years). I had a view of myself being someone needing active and new pursuits in order to be moving forward in personal development and personal exploration.

This impression had compelled me into zeal over a move to Portland, Oregon. Not to discredit this zeal as Portland offered much opportunity and camaraderie in a new and unexplored environ, my emotions misinformed me to the point of myopic expectations of myself, my new digs, and those around me. I did not expect Portland to solve my problems; I expected Portland to offer me some distance from the aforementioned solitude in such a way that I could gain a clarity about my contemporaneous self with regards to my priorities and my passions--ultimately, based on these factors, my pursuits.

Unfortunately, I have spent much of my time in Portland pressuring myself back into this notion of "getting my life in order." This time, the notion has implied more about economic stability so that I would have time and comfort to figure my priorities and my passions. This has been wishful thinking.

I don't think that life allows us these sort of mental breaks from stresses that we all hope will happen once we conquer whatever is bugging us. There is always something to worry about. This is not an original thought, and I am inclined to direct any questions pertaining to the matter to the Woody Allen filmography and/or library.

I have been forcing myself to find a job. Reasonable and not a totally irrational pursuit.

Of course that's reasonable! It's sane. Unfortunately, I have been forcing myself to pursue positions that have little-to-no interest to me and which I know would only elicit misery and self-pity should I work those positions just to pay my bills or pad my account for a later adventure. Still, my lack of success in finding a job after applying to close to 100 positions in just one month...well...it has been demoralizing in the face of my knowledge that it may not actually be a result of personal failure or my own shortcomings. I have felt pretty far down about the process.

But, I am coming to a point of contentedness. Portland has been one of many opportunities. While none of the sub-opportunities of Portland have proven successful, I retain the right to pursue others.

So, a commitment to myself: If I cannot find a position in Portland by the end of this month of aggressive job pursuit, I will admit that Portland is not a sustainable environment for me at this point in my life. I will not rule out Portland for the future. But, I will remember that I am experimenting with the world and exploring myself. Enough bemoaning that which is out of my control (Damn you economy and your filthy out-of-control unemployment rates and highly competitive job application implications!) and time to celebrate this unique moment in life.

Perhaps a visit to my friend Jack to work on developing a tour company in Buenos Aires? Perhaps I will find a program at minimal cost (Or, gadzooks, no cost!) to send me abroad? To send me into a domestic volunteering situation? Perhaps a reunion with my lady friend to enjoy love and collaborative exploration of the world? Perhaps I will find a way to pursue scuba diving in a Spanish speaking country? Sweet sweet options.

I am doing well. I am finding peace of mind with my moment. I am sorry that I have been out-of-touch about myself and my adventures. I vow more connectedness--after all, connectedness is what I have always found to be invigorating and motivating.

Thank you for your understanding; happy new year; and all the best, fellow travelers!

Brief updates on random items:
-Antony and I are working on starting a book club. Our first meeting will be at the end of the month and we will discuss the first half of "100 Years of Solitude." Excelente.
-I am also reading Richard Dowden's impressively insightful book, "Africa." For anyone interested in trying to understand anything about the continent, I highly recommend the book.
-I am reveling in Netflix glory. I've seen all of "30 Rock," the first season of "Lost," and oodles of Netflix Instant films. I will try to be more diligent about my media writing.
-I am interviewing for Princeton in Asia, American Jewish World Service World Partners Fellowship, and various catering positions.
-Enjoying the tunes of Local Natives, Miike Snow, Yeasayer, The xx, and Andrew Bird.
-I just started a Twitter account--feel free to follow.

More importantly, we must all revel in the spice of life.